“Belief” is a very strong emotion.
Speaking to Marie Urbain of Actua about the Green Soldiers.
I left the US down and defeated and with not much to brag about. When you lose constantly, you tend to lose purpose and start entering a depressive state. But one fails to realize that this is a momentary emotion and its meant to pass away with time and this particular period in my life was very important for me. I was an active member and Vice President of the GREEN SOLDIERS. What Green Soldiers is, is a whole different blog post.
Every Saturday morning I would go to Swayambhunath temple in Kathmandu, not to worship, but to do something that made me feel very good from the inside. What we did was not very significant in terms of the scale of the problem we were trying to solve. But the feeling you get from DOING something rather than just complaining and talking has a profound affect on your psyche. The simple act of going to this sacred place to undo the harm caused by our common ignorance , made a lasting positive impact within me.
I felt every emotion here on this hill during those days. Hope is an intoxicating feeling and it was the most overpowering emotion I encountered here. One day I got very frustrated with the people working with us and their lack of consistency in their commitments to this cause. I felt that oh, so familiar frustration creeping back into me. Frustration led to sadness and something within me told me to stop what I was doing and instinctively I started to run to the top of the hill. I probably had never been to the top of this hill this fast , EVER. I reached the main shrine and I sat in exhaustion. From an angry , frustrated being I suddenly transformed, into a sense of peace I have never felt before . I sat on the side of the temple quietly. Everyone was probably looking for me since I was a key member of the organizing committee, but I really did not give a damn. I just sat. Still. Thoughtless. Conscious.
I quit the Green Soldiers after this incident. Swayambhu had properly reintegrated me back into my home land. I was clear this was not my purpose and that I had to take what I had learned from this project and move on in life. My intentions were pure and my action was pure but change was surely not this easy. I was committed but I was not sure if everyone else was. It just did not make sense.
Do good , from your heart and the universe finds so many ways to guide you and give you rewards for the good that you do. You do not see those rewards instantly, but give it time and continue to do good and I am sure you will to have stories like this to tell. For example, I was able to start my business when I was in the Green Soldiers. Many obstacle stood in front of me when I wanted to start RED MUD but those obstacles dissolved one at a time and paved the path for me to move forward.
You can find more videos from this era in my life here.